How Can I Forgive You? The Courage To Forgive, The Freedom Not To by Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D.

She is also the author of After The Affair.
excerpt:
The author divides her book into four parts:
Part One ~ Cheap Forgiveness An Inauthentic Act of Peacekeeping That resolves Nothing
Part Two ~ Refusing To Forgive A Rigid Response That Keeps You Entombed In Hate
Part Three ~ Acceptance A Healing Gift to Yourself That Asks Nothing of the Offender
Part Four ~ Genuine Forgiveness 

Acceptance is a healing journey you make by yourself, for yourself. Genuine Forgiveness is a healing journey you make with the offender, as you honor his reparative efforts to make amends. 

What Forgiveness Is Not
Forgiveness is not forgetting.
Forgiveness is not condoning.
Forgiveness is not absolution.
Forgiveness is not a form of self-sacrifice.
Forgiveness is not a clear-cut, one-time decision. Forgiveness is a way of reaching out from a bad past and heading out to a more positive future. ~ Marie Balter  

What Forgiveness Is
Forgiveness is a by-product of an ongoing healing process.
Forgiveness is an internal process.
Forgiveness is a sign of positive self-esteem.
Forgiveness is letting go of the intense emotions attached to incidents from our past.
Forgiveness is recognizing that we no longer need our grudges and resentments, our hatred and self-pity.
Forgiveness is no longer wanting to punish the people who hurt us.
Forgiveness is accepting that nothing we do to punish them will heal us.
Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds.
Forgiveness is moving on.